The April Reserve was once a beautiful expanse

The April Reserve was once a beautiful expanse of native wildflowers & rolling hills. Rabbits cavorted & harriers nested. But an altered fire regime coupled with increased nitrogen

content in the atmosphere have made this place a living hell. I gazed over the charred hills, blackened tree husks, and scattered animal bones and finally came to a decision.

I would stay and make a home out of this infernal planet. Besides, I needed a place to release these ten thousand clones, and I was running out of options. The first ten years were

wasted on thinking that I knew what I was doing which led me to selling pet insurance in Wyoming. After that 10 years I returned to where I housed the 10,000 clones to release on t

-he market. Clown clones, naturally. All those years working in Wyoming had given me a knack for sales. The 10 000 clones were the life of any party I hosted, dancing like idiots.

I walked away from the 10,000 clowns and went back to raising my nephew in my jobless life at a ghetto apartment high in New York. One night I looked out the window and saw

what appeared to be a man on a wire between the twin towers! I rubbed my eyes and looked again, but I only saw stars. Just to be safe, I called

the Dept of Homeland Security to report my hallucination, demanding that they send a drone to investigate. But rather than pilot the unit to the sacred WTC site, they instead

Fed him three Big Macs and forced him to puke.