Alien abductions are the worst. It's not

Alien abductions are the worst. It's not just the experimentation, severing, stitching, and anal probing. Sure those things really suck and all. But what's with the elevator music

versions of Backstreet Boyz and NSync club mixes. How the aliens learned that jazz flute solos lead to madness wasn't important. They were testing the limits of human sanity and

comparing that to the variations in baking at different altitudes back home. Some Bureaucratic Emir in the tri-fold system's document tracking cordon had thought of it. Perhaps

no one would think to use the Inspector Magee magic decoder ring. Perhaps her secret was safe. She dialed in the temperature and waited, fingering the

person next to her, who screamed in anguished, yet surprised delight. Maggie with the curiously large decoder ring left nothing to the imagination when she

deftly disrobed, flinging her silk sari over the head of the person next to her, heightening his anguished delight. The giant decoder ring worked better this way, without floral

scent mucking up the works. Otherwise, he was distracted by the nudity of

The chair legs. Clearly this dilettante had not read Queen Victoria's edict about covering erotic wooden supports. Jennifer Beals flew into action, using her leg warmers to cover

for her long forgotten Jane Fonda tapes that now