He pulled out of the driveway in his new

He pulled out of the driveway in his new SUV, knowing that the car wouldn't last the rest of the day, let alone the 2-years the warranty promised. What choice did he have though,

He felt the space between the two halves of the passenger-side seat, smiling wryly as he withdrew the pistol -- a cool Glock 45.

He braced himself against the roll-cage and kicked out the back window. Lights flashed by. He flew himself out John Woo style, firing the Glock backwards. The driver

and found of a nest of wet wags underneath it. The rags turned out to be a used adult diaper. The truck driver must have been making some long hauls, he

had jumbo-sized boxes of jerky, 6-hour energy (what?, you haven't heard of it yet?) and more diapers than an reasonably continent adult should ever have on hand. The rig's payload

buckled and dumped the entire contents into the seabed. The diapers' absorbing power, the energy drink powder, and the dried jerky absorbed the entire oceans' worth of water. We

lay there on the ocean bed, trying to decide what to destroy next. Jason looked in his bag and screamed with delight when he found a ghetto-blaster which left us with only one

shoulder-mounted musical projection device. But no worry, we were soon on our way to purchasing another from a garage sale from our lovable but bumbling neighbors. Jason crawled

on all eight legs over to his neighbors and begged them for a discount on a projection device. Horrified that he was actually a spider with no shoulders, they refused. He was sad.