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My assistant was desperately trying to catergorize

  • My assistant was desperately trying to catergorize the fauna. Phosphorescent mushrooms led us deeper into the murky cave. The natural limestone gave way to basalt brickwork.

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  • We found ourselves in some sort of assembly room. Spotted elves stood around tired black conveyor belts. The elves moved feverishly, constructing toilets. I turned to my assistant

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  • "What an ingenious idea! They use under-paid elves to work at the assembly line! Imagine all the money they save. We shall do the same in our IPod factory." "Great idea, Steve

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  • ," he said, somewhat ironically. "We can use elves to make iPods. After all, they do so well with shoes and cookies, we can't really go wrong, right?"

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  • And that's when Steve Jobs finally listened to his girlfriend Emily. The minute he saw he was on the gravy train, he needed a way to get rid of her so he could take all the

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  • gravy for himself. Did I mention he loved apples too? Porkchops with apple and plenty of gravy, Steve's favorite meal, yes sir! So Steve pushed Emily off the train and listened

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  • to her mellifluous scream as she bounced once on the train tracks with a wet thud. A sly grin spread across Steve's symmetrical face. "Oh Emily you rampant minx."

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  • Steve had a symmetrical face because of plastic surgery;symmetrical & ugly,but his previous identity was protected. He pulled the trains emergency brake to make sure Emily was dead

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  • Emily was his ex-wife, and he got angry when she cheated with his best friend. This caused her murder.

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  • And THAT, mes amis, is the whole twisted tale. Truth is stranger than fiction they say. Questions?

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