I awoke and was immediately uneasy. I wasn't

I awoke and was immediately uneasy. I wasn't hungover but I had no idea where I was, except that it was a pretty common hotel room layout. I was fully clothed and upon getting up

I stumbled to the sink. What happened? There was a lipstick smear on the drinking glass. On the bed, a Gideon bible laid open to the book of Job. I could only remember

drinking gin and a doctor lying down on a table telling me I'd met my match. The lipstick...her name was Magill? Lil? Nancy? I winced. My right leg. It had a bullet in it. I looked

at the door. I told the drunk doctor, it was only a scratch. Which it was, Just nicked my elbow. Drunk fool. Screw this I thought and went back to my room, all I found was Gideon's

gibbon lying in weight for me. Yes, weight. She was on my bathroom scale. "Get out of here, Gideon's gibbon," I squeaked in fright. That drunk doctor warned me about this. My elbow

suddenly warped into a totally different dimension. Then my knee followed, and before I knew it, I was all outta joint. This turned out to be pretty inconvenient as the gibbon

started gathering sticks for the bonfire. My knee was swollen like a watermelon, and the gibbons called upon the super creepy uber-mega spiders. The fire was getting larger, and I

began to believe I might have a slim chance to get out of this horrid gibbon-jungle alive. That's when I saw the first of the uber-spiders... It was hanging there, just 10ft away

. Why...of course! Why hadn't I thought of this before? I called out, "Spiderman!" Two seconds later I was scooped up in his arms and flying over the gibbon jungle, rescued at last