There was a deaf in the family, but no one

We closed the blinds so no one could see him. "A peeping Tom saw yer deaf cousin the other day," the garbage man threw out there for public consumption. We were so worried about

it, because someone out there knew about my cousin. I looked left, then right, and turned around and walked away. Wheres Drenon? I thought. He may be the one that saw.

Drenon was the only one that knew the unsavory truth about my cousin.

I ended up having to bribe Drenon not to blab about my cousin to the media. Ohio residents would never understand how I, Barack H. Obama, could be related to Marx and still

be able to make armpit farts while stopping a fan with my tongue all at the same time. When I get reelected, I'm going to make everyone try that - it's really a lot of fun.

Angela merkel will cringe at the thought of

fun being had on the streets. Spontaneity! Joy!? These were uncertain times, and the danger posed by fun could not be underestimated. There was only one thing for it:

Force everyone to undergo librarian training. With their faces molded into scowls of diapproval, their spectacles perched primly at nose end, inner strictness would drive fun

from the giggly young sprouts if not for the green fuse that drives the flower.