As he approached the center of the field,

As he approached the center of the field, he couldn't help but think about his impending doom. He glanced down at the package in his hand. It wouldn't save him. Why bother with it?

He handed me the package, a forlorn look on his face. I unwrapped it. He was right. It wasn't good enough. I gave him credit for looking me right in the eye, however, as I kicked

the guilt trip into high gear. "I've forgotten more about gift giving than you'll ever know. I asked for music. That meant diamonds. I asked for clothes. That meant furs. This gift

whisperer was brilliant. I knew this because I couldn't follow a blasted thing she was saying. " I asked for gift cards, that meant cable. I asked for Chutes and Ladders, that mea

nt phallic symbols in photo frames. This woman is cray cray. She done lost her mind. Ain't nobody got time fo dat. Anyways, I scooped up my present and left her presence, because I

ance. I called the company but they said a non-refundable deposit had been made & the vajayjay was the only current offer. Take it or leave it. I donated the voucher to the raffle

at the church. To my astonishment senile old Father O'kief won the voucher. One day Father O'kief came to mass with the vajayjay perched on his shoulder as he said Mass. The vajay

jay slipped down Father O'kief's robes to the podium. The organ player, always on top of things, was the first to notice: "Hey, that's not the same one from the contest!"

The nuns gasped in horror. Titters rolled across the pews. The altar boy spilled the communion chalice. Father O'Kief had no defense, no explanation. "'Tis a miracle!" he cried.