QUICK! Get a picture! I can't hold this for

QUICK! Get a picture! I can't hold this for ever! This is one for the Guinness Book of World Records!

As I carefully balanced the 400 shot glasses on my head, Bob fumbled with his new Iphone "how do I take a picture?" he screamed frantically.

Before I could answer, Bob's spastic arms knocked me over a table & my face plowed right into the ample bosom of this German Amazon woman. The 400 shots of peach schnapps splattere

d all over by butt, making me feel really weird. I moved my face away from her, and slowly started to go. But then she grabbed my hand and started

speaking from the heart or whatever. I replied, "Dear, I'm pretty sure I told you to cut the crap. Don't be surprised if I go less slowly next time." I needed a bidet, and fast.

There was no time to soak my socks. I filled the bidet with suds & soaped up my best pair. "See!" I yelled, "no one can scrub socks faster!" Silence. The front door was open. She'd

taken the clean socks and fled. Taken advantage of my sock-washing skillz! "Wait!" I called. "They'll just get dirty again!" This was a disaster. If she didn't maintain good sock h

ose-zone, the Maytag environment would be destroyed forever & all of the dryer life would become endangered, including the lint people. I chased her down the hall & finally tackled

her. I couldn't believe she was willing to shatter the Diamond of Osamboca, she needed to understand what a world with no lint people would be like. "you've given me no choice."

But she just walked away as I knelt on the floor in front of my Andy Capp placemat and chanted the invocation I wrote to summon Lintly the Lint Sprite into existence. "Nooo Lint!"