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I'm frightened by what is now being called

  • I'm frightened by what is now being called the posthuman condition. Before genetic enhancement therapies were the norm, we could always blame the human condition, or god...now we

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  • were perfect specimens in every way. Every eyelash in place. We altered our genes to produce zero body fat. And yet, we spend all day glued to 84" 3D HDTVs with our microbrews.

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  • Yes, 2012 was a year to remember well, my friends. But that's in the past, together we must look toward the future! Hello? Hey! Oh, Congresswoman TMobile girl is on the TV again.

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  • Anyway, as I was saying, I just wanted to let you know that as your president, I promise that I will always show up to speeches on time with my shoes tied and never wearing an ugly

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  • Betty T-shirt. The crowd barely clapped. I attributed that to arthritis. I know in their hearts the senior citizens loved me. I was running for president and politicking in old fol

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  • ks homes. College students also adore me I guess because I remind them of their grandmas. My Betty White for Prez platform: free nursing homes, free college & free zoo animals.

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  • Keep the geriatrics off the streets and wild animals hunting you. It's mixed politics, but hey, it's not like your college education is worth anything anyway! Betty White for Prez

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  • Was better than Hilliary. She suggested legalising public fishing so no sheeple starved to death. Sheeple were ubiquitous, especially in Transpennsylvania. It was pitiful that so

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  • many still believed in vamps. Everywhere you looked they were wearing them. A vamp here, a vamp there, everywhere, a vamp. Some argued that there had always been vamps around.

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  • And this redness that courses through your veins... My paintings would come to life with it! Be still or not, the result will be the same, I will drain you from your blood.

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