Indiana was the last place Stephen expected

Indiana was the last place Stephen expected to find his purpose in life. Meth labs, blighted rural towns, and false piety were the usual suspects for his expectations, but Stephen

had really low expectations. Ever since he was dead last in the Presidential Fitness challenge he stopped expecting greatness. That was his purpose, to assume sterile failure all

the way up until the 2004 elections. Lucky for him, there was war to be had and by golly, he'd have it, even if he had to lie and out any CIA agents who contradicted. One is enough

like an episode of 30 Rock. It drained you dry and left you feeling that it was not worth it and you shouldn't have started it to begin with. But still, he found himself with two

severed gorilla nipples in his nostrils. This made it difficult to chew the stew of cactus roots & breathe at the same time. The military was serious about hardening him for Libya,

otherwise gorilla nipples would'nt be involved. Despite himself, he chuckled silently as he imagined what tax payers would think if they knew $983,007 were spent on Gorilla nipples

The next day he introduced S1035, the Extra Eyes Removal Subsidy Act. But Senator Rubio attached a secret earmark funding ornamental tea bags, so the bill died in Committee.

Immediately, he knew that Senator Rubio was a time traveller. This set him shivering like the bend of a high-pitched tuning fork. That's when he decided

that if there weren't a life after death he had really screwed the pooch. Of course, he wasn't dead yet. He felt he could still unfold.