In a world where all well-to-do folks lived

In a world where all well-to-do folks lived in glass terrariums, neatly organized into rows, hobos were distrusted. What were they hiding behind those cardboard walls?

You really want to know? I'll tell you! Greasy pants. Pants so coated in human stink and shame that they'd turned a kind of grimy that glistens.

My life had been spiralling downwards since the washing machine broke. I'd lost my job, my husband had left me for my best friend whose washing machine was in working order

&he took all of the plants& the last bag of Chicken & Waffle flavored potato chips. My days were now filled w/dirty clothes and wandering around HobbyLobby buying fake plants. How

did I become such a pathetic person that people mistake me for a tenured college professor in the English department?! But then I thought of those Chicken & Waffle chips again an

and I gagged. They definitely weren't the best flavor of Lays I'd ever have. But, then I started thinking about real crisps from Scotland and remembered the Ham and Mustard

Not imagine such a concoction tasting so bloody good. I wanted the recipe! My grandmother had it stashed away in her storage box. I had never seen it before. Thousands of requests

went unheeded but she would not give me the recipe. She would say something in Enochian and spit every time I brought it up. Since it was Enochian it was impossible to remember but

I figured, since she spat every time, that the secret incredient was the chef's saliva. I mean, I'm no culinary expert, but I take whatever tips I can! It's the best way to learn!