Eleven minutes ago his world ended, but he

Eleven minutes ago his world ended, but he was standing there in the office telling jokes. Had he known, he'd have been swallowing a bullet or climbing the 10 foot roof fence.

But instead, he was trying to see if his funny had come back. Ever since he moved his talk show to TNT he had been trying too hard. The only thing that calmed him down was twin

hookers and he'd already worked his way through each available pair in the western hemisphere. So, he decided it was time to expand his

He was really jonesin' for some Applebee's but couldn't justify the bill for the soggy fries and mediocre hamburgers, so a coupon always took the edge off. With that, he could

get two for $20 according to that nice man from northern exposure. All he needed was a date and some wheels. He called Lurleen and she arrived in ten minutes, coupon in hand.

She gave him the dried fruit and the dusty rubber wheels she had found in her back yard, and wished him good luck. But there was something strange about the coupon. It seemed to

be giving off a strnge smell. It was then she noticed the faint fumes of blue smoke wafting into her peripheral vision. She collapsed into a

wheelbarrow and the elephant in the room wheeled her out back. He doused her with gasoline and

lit a match. He paused and looked into her eyes for a brief moment, watching them light up with tentative hope, that perhaps he did have a conscience after all. She was wrong.