Finally Anthony Bourdain was able to ditch

Finally Anthony Bourdain was able to ditch the film crew. Sweat poured like melted candle wax. He needed to score, like yesterday. Thank god this was Bangkok. An old woman shouted

at him from the street, trying to get Bourdain to try her Padd See Ewe recipe. He wouldn't have it. This was his only chance to snort a line on a pay-girl before he had to bribe

the DJ to play "Hot for Teacher" - a classic in these establishments. Of course, Bourdain had to try every "dish" on the menu. His local guide suggested he begin with the

salt peter. Then they cut to commercial. "A snuggie for dogs," I exclaimed. "In Liberty U colors." It seemed so fitting after that repast to hear Jerry Falwell narrate the ad.

especially when i had read that Falwell hates dogs. Then i gave it a second thought. Salt peter? Liberty University had one of the best programs in food preservation. Was it a clue

that saltpeter wasn't a gunpowder substitute but something for sexual congress? It seemed highly unlikely, particularly with KIT involved, but they never explained it well in the

handbook of improvised munitions and love potions. I was never sure if I was supposed to ignite the concoctions or feed them to my girl friend and her mood swings were out of sight

Dr.Frankenstein said the potions would make her love me. I discovered however, all the artifices of men could not sway her reanimated heart. I wished I'd remained a dumb monster

I struggled, then executed the most human reaction I could muster: I kissed her lightly on her blue-grey lips. Nothing. No reaction. Turning, ambling away, I disappeared 4ever.