I am Mother Nature, designer of all the things

I am Mother Nature, designer of all the things you see & all the things you are. For millions of years, Father Time & I have worked hand in hand to make the world a better place to

grow, an ideal environment to evolve in, and yes, a soft place in which to fornicate. The birds do it. The bees do it. Everyone knows you do it as often as possible. And what do I

do? Sit here twiddling my organelles and watch everyone else do it. It's frustrating, let me tell you. Being asexual isn't gratifying, but it can be a rather eukaryotic experience

especially if you like flagella. My shrink has cautioned me to not obsess, but to let these things remain in the chloroplast where they belong. It may seem like cilia thing to say,

but to impress my date, I asked for the flagella on the pizza. What? It's not some fancypants Italian cheese? No wonder the guy at PizzaHut looked at me funny. No wonder my date

rolled his eyes and mumbled, "she better swallow more than just flagella tonight." I ended up settling on a meat-lovers pizza, which my date told me was more an appropriate. I

saw where this was going, but if he expects me to swallow, or get any for that matter, he better buy me more than meat pizza. The only way I'm going home with him is if he offers

me a lift. No way am I going to hitch back to his place while he transports himself in a state of the art automobile. Last time I got lost and ended up going anticlockwise on the r

coffin right before I close it so my laughter will echo while the worms devour his corpse. That'll teach him to not speed in a school zone. Tomorrow's lesson: Fun with Merging.