"Honey, look!" The polar bear and his wife

"Honey, look!" The polar bear and his wife peered out the window of their melting igloo. "See? The Smiths have evolved to grow wings. Why don't you have wings, huh?" Papa bear was

still upstairs on his "throne." Mama bear didn't care that ice was melting, she just wanted Goldilocks to move out of their igloo and support herself.

Especially since Goldilocks and "Baby" Bear's romance was frowned on by their respective communities. Sure, they were both mature adults by now, but bigotry is just the opposite.

skip across the border to Mexico to evade our creditors. Goldilocks had already served time for a diamond heist in Belgian. She wasn't prepared to take the fall this time. She lift

ed herself up, trying to make sense of the mess she was in. Where was papa bear when you needed him most? No doubt winging over his cold porridge. She grabbed her cell phone and l

apologize. We must interrupt this program.for a news bulletin: a burgler is at large on the outskirts of Bearville. The suspect is a blonde human female, not so tall, not so short

, witnesses are describing her as "just right". She escaped today after breaking a myriad of household furniture and stealing a bowl of porridge at the residence of the Three Bears

. This dangerous blonde must under no account be approached by members of the public. Failure to do so could result in an unhappy ending.

And, as we all know, an unhappy ending is unacceptable in both terms of the figurative and the sentimental.