I had the name for a bit but then it changed

I had the name for a bit but then it changed all of the sudden when the woman walked through the door.

I couldn't help but be soften by her gaze. She had those amazing green eyes and a butt that wouldn't quit. As a result, I changed my name to Greenbottom and named on my PI

-eated puffy pants the awesome green scrawl of "GreenBottom." I never saw her again. But from then on I had an identity. I had these massive green pants, pantaloons really, I fille

d them out well...almost too well. My green pantaloons were just a little snug, but they accentuated my assets quite well, I thought. I was a trendsetter among other leprechauns

- I eschewed the traditional green three-piece and top hap, preferring instead to go topless and to wear a green beret instead. And shamrocks were definitely out this year -

They were growing in my living room. They in fact had sprouted by themselves on my tellie screen, turning everything green and altering voices. They cooked for me too. Today dinner

, the tellie told me off with a quick succession of electrical jolts. "Yeeoww!" What nerve! The television had apparently heard me say that I was going green. I hadn't planned

on going to my grave as well. The TV and I faced off like Suma wrestlers, stomping around the living room grimacing at eachother. "Someone call the police!" the phone screamed

but some slinkycat pastry chefs let themselves in and danced around us. I triumphed and forced the TV set through the front window, but I ate the scones of remorse for days after.