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You waited two hours for that bitch to show

  • You waited two hours for that bitch to show up. Two hours in a strange city, eating strange food in her strange apartment. You would think that when a woman says that she'll meet y

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  • early with you, she'd show up on the pre-arranged date. But no. No, that woman can take her strange food, her strange apartment and her strange city and shove it up her

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  • where the sun don't shine. I picked up my phone and defriended her on Facebook. Ha! Take that! Now I was hungry so I looked into ordering some kind of food I at least recognised.

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  • I found a piece of toast burnt to look like the Mona Lisa being auctioned at Ricardo & bid 3£. When it arrived, I decided it looked more like Benedict Cumberbatch. I spread marmite

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  • on it as soon as possible, fretting its staleness would steal more joy from the moment of failure realization. Rationalization followed, as I thoughtfully chewed the burnt piece of

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  • toast, my taste buds ignoring the bitter taste as I savored the mere thought of...that was just it. Suddenly I couldn't remember a thing. What was happening? Was I even real?

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  • Mama mia let me go!

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  • The raw sushi looked so gross I couldn't look at it again. The food poisoners were at work and were not allowed to criticize the pools of dyed in the wool fish. Too many lampreys!

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  • And too little time! I stepped down off my perch and helped an elderly lady push through the hordes of bottom feeders towards the fresh outdoor air. My lunch was sloshing around

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  • desperately trying to find it's way out, too. Once outside, Granny and I took in the clean air like camels at an oasis take in water. Granny fried up some bottom feeders for lunch.

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