It is the morning of Oct.12, and the clock

It is the morning of Oct.12, and the clock is striking seven. As usual, I'm at the center of this city - Intersection 24. "This section has been blocked..." A big loudspeaker on a

lamppost said. My officer turned on the Guerra Positioning System. "Hannibal, sir, it says there's an alternate route to the Punic Wars through the Alps." This re-enactment was

lagging because someone had injected all the fruit with Bacardi 151. The elephants coming out of the Alps and people playing the Roman soldiers wobbled

nearly stumbling off the mountain. The first annual Punic War Reinactment was headed for disater. The drunk elephants caused avalanches to ski chalets below. The Hannibal actor saw

his life flash before his eyes as he crashed headfirst into a crate full of Roman-style weaponry. The Actors hired to play Zues and his trashy daughter Venus started necking. Punic

style morals! The actor playing Zeus started screaming. A split appeared in his skull, a flash of light and Athena, armed to the teeth emerged. I grabbed a javelin. It was a prop

javelin, but Athena was just a special effect goddess, so we were on even ground. Zeus was busy birthing a baby Dionysus from his thigh (gods sure had weird sex lives) - where was

the umbilical cord? No not there...Zeus shifted my attention slightly left & I watched in amazement as the God of Wine, Maddness & Ecstasy emerged from his muscular thigh. Dionysus

and shook him and shook him, then shook him until he was dizzy, then tossed him clear off the mountain. Turned out Dionysus was a fat alkie with no tolerance for a rage fit.