It's an old story. A djinn appears and offers

It's an old story. A djinn appears and offers you three wishes. If this happens to you, your best bet is to

wish three times that you had never met the djinn. These guys have had thousands of years to think up ways to screw up any wish, it was a rigged game. The only way to win was to

hit up up down down left right left right b a start. Then you became the Djinn and could

possibly find mustard by asking a guy in a Bentley to roll down his window and then saying, "Excuse me, do you happen to have any Grey Pupon?' What will happen is

Bentley guy will shoot you in the face with some low carb catsup. And now this is why I never leave home without my trusty bottle of green olives stuffed with whimsy and

dreams. Every time I'm feeling down, I just pop one of these little zingers, I call them "olives" but they're actually horse tranquilizers, and ironically I get a massive erection.

Down at the Acapulco lounge they call me Donkey Kong. You might think dancings out of the question but everyone digs my 'tripod' move. Lately I've been

hanging out at Cracker Barrels, and I haven't seen hide nor hair of that plumber. Is this how it is for me? I, the greatest of the great apes, Donkey Kong, needs to be well-armed

and well dressed as well. But that would not matter in the whole scheme of things. After all Donkey Kong has only one thing on his mind when he deals with a plumber and that is