I reached for the sky, just as I was told.

I reached for the sky, just as I was told. It felt odd, as if I were trapped in some B movie. But there I was, hand up as I felt her fingers dig around for

the ring in my pocket. Nobody denied her and she wanted that engagement. Of course I had my grandmother's ring, but after she'd rummaged my emails for infidelity, she sure as hell

wasn't going to accept a cubic zirc. Because she has seen my bank balance in those messages, and would be bound and determined to get a big

rock. That's why I booked our flights to S. Africa. She needs to see how those diamonds are made. She needs to witness the blood. The only problem is that arms dealer would be

a lot more scary if they didn't have the ancient tradition of wearing grass skirts. She took the flight anyway and approached with trepadation. Tell me, she said

aren't those grass skirts a little flammable. I mean, one spark and it's good night Larry King, Hello Dr. Ruth!

"Dr. Ruth, my penis was singed in a grasskirt fire. Will my girlfriend be put off by the funny smell or curious burn marks?". The unflappable Dr. would reply, "

So I wore an adult diaper filled with a soothing jelly over my codpiece. It had the unintended appearance that my pants where full of feces but the minty aroma from the jelly was

pungent enough to attract a colony of Brazilian fire ants. The ants swarmed around me and ate my flesh all the way to the bone. And that is how I became an undead skeleton! THE END