Pregnant women must eat 18 chewy chocolate

Pregnant women must eat 18 chewy chocolate chip muesli bars during their first trimester. After the quickening only crunchy chocolate chip muesli bars should be eaten because

the growing foetus likes to bounce around to the sounds of crunching. Then in the third trimester, all bets are off & women are advised to eat anything they want in whatever quanti

ties. This explains how Wanda gave birth (with difficulty) to a hefty 40-pound, 4-foot-long baby boy. Wanda's uterus would never be the same. She named him Shirley.

"Surely your joking!" said her bearded mother. How could a circus midget father a 40 lb baby boy? Wanda's new sword swallowing show was moved to a side tent. As Shirley grew & grew

more sick and tired of her bearded mother's nasty habit of making assumptions. Shirley could barely finish reading the circus newsletter before her bearded mother would barge in

and paint her green and spank her like a disobedient avocado. So Shirley decide to pack her bags and run away from home so that she'd never have to look at her bearded mother again

. The grief nearly killed Shirley's mother, but she still set a place for her at the table every night. Ten years later, Shirley started to grow hair on her chest, but she got that

third breast with an eye for a nipple, and the hair was blinding that eye. She lifted a razor, brought it close to her chest, and

shaved her third breast's eyebrow. She nicked herself and cried milk, which acted like a siren to neighborhood cats. "Well I one for one desire strong bones," said one such cat who

began licking at her wounded body. "I must brush my teeth after this," said another baritone-voiced feline. More & more cats appeared, each speaking such utterances, then to drink.