They lay in bed. He said 'I'm going to make

They lay in bed. He said 'I'm going to make you the happiest person in the world!' 'Oh,' she said 'I'll miss you. When are you planning to leave?'

Then he threw a bear trap on her. The iron teeth clamped down on her torso through her "duvet." He said, "HA HA, how does that feel? Your sarcasm has ruined out marriage."

"Ohmahgawd," she said, "this is like the best feeling ever." Despite her sarcastic valley girl tone, she was dead serious this time. She became addicted to bear trap asphyxiation.

I however was not addicted, being a bear. The bear traps hurt like fuck over my every limb, and the teenybopper bimbo was lauding sadistic pleasure upon them. My jaws trapped by a

noose that had just missed tightening around my neck. I kept myself busy day dreaming of my next Chipwich in Ipswich. Maybe I'd also try a clam or 2. No, wait, i'm an f'in BEAR!

I'm in a wood! Now what was it I was supposed to be doing? Pandas... why do they get all the attention? I'd happily live in a zoo & impregnate anything that moved, but bears aren't

s were full of bears i'd tried to wrap around my finger with saucy looks. Maybe I could better my odds with smell? I put on a skintight latex suite and took a honey bath

. But oops. I forgot about the bees! They came swarming, en masse, covering me from head to toe, mistakening me for their hive. My only hope was if one of the bears could rescue me

, when lo & behold, Winnie-the-Pooh came floating by under a big red balloon, trying his best to reach my honey. It worked! Winnie saved me & we skipped away into the100 Acre Wood.