Mayor McCheese held his head in his hands.

Mayor McCheese held his head in his hands. Eventually he opened the bottom left drawer of his desk, where there was a bottle of pills and a service revolver. This was the end.

Or so he thought. Mayor McCheese felt around for what should have been his pistol, but found a loincloth, and in place of the pills he found a pregnancy test. It was positive!

A horn went off and suddenly the Mayor's best friend was shoving a cigar in his mouth, clapping him on the back, and congratulating him. Everyone filed in and the surprise couldn't

be greater. The whole trumped up drag racing charge, jail sentence & disqualification from running a second term as Mayor of was a practical joke. Surprise, AZ had a tradition of

hot parking lots. Arizona parking lots are hotter than the surface of mars. And here was this newt, his moist legs seared to the asphalt. The shadow circling was a vulture

wearing a tutu. Newt craned his head to watch the vulture come swooping down on him, pecking at him until he was forced to watch an awkwardly arid version of Swan Lake. Sweating,

puking and shaking, Newt watched endless ballerinas thumping around on stage. At last the vulture released him from its bloodied claws and Newt could catch the last tube to Brixton

And did make it home just in time to sleep like a dead person. When he woke up, he felt great and wanted to eat coq au vin. His mum cooked it As usual and they had a real May feast

until they were both awoken by a very loud piper somewhere in their kitchen. Both pairs of eyes quickly checked the lock on the door: locked. They looked at each other, conveyed

solidarity and together walked gingerly through the dark towards the kitchen. Along the way he picked up a small Venus de Milo to use as a club if needed. The kitchen was empty.