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Mayor McCheese held his head in his hands.

  • Mayor McCheese held his head in his hands. Eventually he opened the bottom left drawer of his desk, where there was a bottle of pills and a service revolver. This was the end.

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  • Or so he thought. Mayor McCheese felt around for what should have been his pistol, but found a loincloth, and in place of the pills he found a pregnancy test. It was positive!

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  • A horn went off and suddenly the Mayor's best friend was shoving a cigar in his mouth, clapping him on the back, and congratulating him. Everyone filed in and the surprise couldn't

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  • be greater. The whole trumped up drag racing charge, jail sentence & disqualification from running a second term as Mayor of was a practical joke. Surprise, AZ had a tradition of

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  • hot parking lots. Arizona parking lots are hotter than the surface of mars. And here was this newt, his moist legs seared to the asphalt. The shadow circling was a vulture

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  • wearing a tutu. Newt craned his head to watch the vulture come swooping down on him, pecking at him until he was forced to watch an awkwardly arid version of Swan Lake. Sweating,

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  • puking and shaking, Newt watched endless ballerinas thumping around on stage. At last the vulture released him from its bloodied claws and Newt could catch the last tube to Brixton

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  • And did make it home just in time to sleep like a dead person. When he woke up, he felt great and wanted to eat coq au vin. His mum cooked it As usual and they had a real May feast

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  • until they were both awoken by a very loud piper somewhere in their kitchen. Both pairs of eyes quickly checked the lock on the door: locked. They looked at each other, conveyed

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  • solidarity and together walked gingerly through the dark towards the kitchen. Along the way he picked up a small Venus de Milo to use as a club if needed. The kitchen was empty.

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