I turned off my phone, turned off the lights,

I turned off my phone, turned off the lights, and turned on the TV. I had a week's supply of Jolt Cola and Hot Pockets. No one would interrupt my binge watching of

Shark Week. This is the best week ever, so I knew rationing the hotpockets and Jolt Cola was a necessity. Crap?! I grabbed LeanPockets? Those things suck, but I cant miss a minute

give up their lunch money. Sea Bullying is out of control. Sharks have a bad rap thanks to Hollywood and tornadoes, which is why we need awareness for real bullies like seal lions

, like the ones at the marine park where I work. They spring on unsuspecting guests and plant big wet ones right across their faces. Someone should teach those sea lions a lesson.

Their breath alone was enough to make someone puke, much less actually licking you on the face. Ugh! Yes, the "kissing bandit" sea lions had to go! Now, we just need to come up

to about here on grandpa's pants!" I hated going to Sea World with cousin Eddie. I never understood what the hell he was talking about. His whole family was weird, especially Grand

Dragon KKK leader, also known as my Cousin Biff. Being related to weirdos is one thing - but racists is another thing completely. When we got to Sea Word, Biff pulled out his

hood & put it on, threatening to blow up anyone who said they liked Beyonce's music...as if anyone could remotely be afraid of my idiot Cousin Biff. Shamu swallowed him & the crowd

broke into a mild applause. It's just so hard to please audiences these days. People are plenty spoiled. Shamu flipped his tail, then splashed off into the sea.