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I found myself sitting in a pool of anxiety. Sweat excreted from every orifice and my body began to grow sticky with anticipation and dread.

This always happened before dates, which is why I was wearing sunglasses, a sweatband, noseplugs, earmuffs, underalls, and odoreaters. My blind date took my strange attire

to be evidence of a superior intellect and character and immediately submitted to my every whim. "Replace my garbage disposal," I commanded. She obeyed, and did excellent work.

"Cook me boeuf bourguinonne with potatoes valenciennes & wilted purple sprouting broccoli and serve it with a fine bottle of burgundy." She did so and it was good.

"I like the purple food and drink, bring me more." "But burgundy is-" "Purple! Now hop to it." She brought in steaming purple Peruvian potatoes and a jug of purple flavor Kool-Aid.

Grimace's wife was such a shrew.

She never let him go anywhere without him giving her written permission twelve days in advance.

'Dear Buttercup, you have been tremendously adequate these past few months and so I would like to go out on a trip in around two weeks time if that's okay with you. - Love Huzzy.'