"Teines! Teines Pomme!" The orange said with

"Teines! Teines Pomme!" The orange said with glee. "why the heck are you speaking French, orange?" "Couteau!" He responded. "I have no idea what... AHHHHHHHHH" he screamed as the

paring knife peeled all my skin off & I was dropped in a pot, along with all the other victimized apples. We were naked & now we were getting hot & mushy.It was like Abu Ghraib for

applekind. It got hotter, we got mushier and slowly we came apart... "This apple sauce tastes kinda funny," Bob said. "It tastes of despair and unshed tears." "You complaining

'bout my squashed apples?!" A large sauce pan bounced off Bob's head and he fell face first into the huge pot. Sensing an opportunity, the apples grabbed hold of Bob's hair and pul

led into their saucy melee. A shriveled apple crone gave Bob a sour look. "He's no Appleseed but he'll have to do." Bob became an Appalachian golem doing the apple witches bidding.

As an Appalachian golem, Bob took core direction from the Apple Witches. If he failed they'd make him crumble. They wanted to go to the Gala, where Granny Smith kept her

vintage Galaxian arcade cabinet in pristine condition. But golems prefer Xevious, so Bob took his leave of the Apple Witches and embarked on a journey to find the last remaining

t carried the proper charms. Getting to Lower Earth from the land of the Xevionions was a multilayered process. King Xavier was brought to tears when he found that Bob had lost his

marbles, every last one of them...except for one. Yes, that's right. The big blue one we all exist on today. Now close your science books, children. It's time for recess.