The snowflake that landed on my nose was

The snowflake that landed on my nose was beautiful. It sparkled, like the ornaments you put on your christmas tree. But the snowflake didn't melt. Things changed that day forever.

It was the beginning of the Everlasting Ice Age. For over ten years the snow fell, and not a flake of it ever melted. It was majestic in it's devastation. None but the strongest

wore tank tops. For those who weren't strong, it was a popular way to finish things - to stand in a tank top until arms became heavy shelves for falling snow and finally fell off

arms truck. Then I sneak around in my tank top and grab the arms. Arms stealing is like a box of chocolates my mom said. You never know what you're going to get. Mother Russia was

a demanding mistress. The more state secrets I fed her, the more I was promoted and the more she demanded. I was head over heels and in over my head

mainly because she made me do a backflip into the cesspool. The things I'd do for that woman, my mistress, my...everything. I'd betrayed my country for this wench and now she wan

ted me to mortify myself for her amusement. How low could I sink? How low could I degrade myself for such sacrificial love? Why was I covered in gore & ordure for her in a foreign

nation? A flash of an instamatic, and I was back at my sister's wedding. "How LOW can you GO?" After all the sacrifices for my love, it was limbo time.

I unbuttoned my shirt to reveal my manscape & downed another shot of tequila. The alcohol loosened me up & I bent backwards under the limbo bar, which was on fire. I'd show HER

how to have a good time. I broke the island record for limbo that night and ended up cancelling my flight home. You may have heard of me. Name's Don Juan.