Lucy didn't get much done around the house,

Lucy didn't get much done around the house, she preferred to spend her days playing with puppies, helping old ladies and sewing blankets out of the skin and bone of her enemies.

According to Lucy's mother, that last hobby wasn't the most ladylike of pursuits, but if she was going to become Empress of the world when she grew up, then torture was just one of

migrated south where it now resided on the tip of her nose. She grabbed a handful of rodents and plugged them into her new lie detector. She rigged up the translation machine and

screamed, "Do you think I'm pretty?" One of the rodents replied, "Yes." But he only wanted to please; he wore an eye-patch and had no sense of depth. The lie detector buzzed loudly

Noam frowned "It's just learned helplessness, Burrhus." "I tell you I've taught this rat to talk & now it's learned to lie through negative conditioning." "Do YOU think I'm pretty?

" asked the rat. "No," Noam said. "Maybe it's more to do with your demeanour towards her," suggested Burrhus, who at then was petting the rat.

The rat got up and said in a, very Irish accent I have been dealing with you my entire life, Noam, and I am sick of it in the 1400 you gave me the bubonic plague and you gave me

chicken pox! I was scratching for the next century and a half! THAT'S WHY I'M BALD NOW!!! Curse you, Noam

Bennington, for your complete failure to rid the world of the Chicken Pox! May the scabs of a billion inflicted children's cold sores fill your grave for all eternity!