We dry-suited off the coast of Duluth. The

We dry-suited off the coast of Duluth. The wreck was down deep so we had limited time. I prayed I wouldn't get the nitrogen narcosis. We hit the flares and went to the hatch.

He was the first to drop down into the depths of the lake.He was supposed to give me the ok to dive down after him but I waited for five minutes and saw nothing.Something was wrong

so I decided to leave him and save myself. I threw the boat into gear and gunned it. But the engine sputtered. The tank was in "E." Then I heard Golum's

conga drums beating a rhythm that just couldn't be beat. Golum could really get your feet moving. Floating out there on the water the drums called out

a drawn-out, tension-building scene. Let's face it, having a catchphrase, acting irrationally & that voice makes you one step above Dobby on the annoyometer. Gollum feared the drum

ming of the goblins as much as the hobbitses, my precious. It was time to run and hide. If Gollum was a house elf like Dobby he could've snapped his fingers and disapparated.

But Gollum wasn't in the disapparating mood. He rolled a soggy joint & groped about looking for 'his precious'. I reached in my pocket & felt the zipo I'd found in the tunnel.

"What's in my pocket?" I wondered aloud. "No fair!" shrieked Gollum, "vile cheating filth!" Instantly he was choking me to death. I pulled out the Zippo & set his few hairs on fire

rendering Gollum wide eyed and harmless. He was a real wacko, that one. First it was a ring, now he wanted my Zippo? I tossed it to him and headed to Mordor for a house party.

And, well, that's about it. An anti-climatic end to this story, I know, but I was sick & tired of Gollum's antics. I left him crying in the gutter with nary another thought.