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We dry-suited off the coast of Duluth. The

  • We dry-suited off the coast of Duluth. The wreck was down deep so we had limited time. I prayed I wouldn't get the nitrogen narcosis. We hit the flares and went to the hatch.

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  • He was the first to drop down into the depths of the lake.He was supposed to give me the ok to dive down after him but I waited for five minutes and saw nothing.Something was wrong

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  • so I decided to leave him and save myself. I threw the boat into gear and gunned it. But the engine sputtered. The tank was in "E." Then I heard Golum's

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  • conga drums beating a rhythm that just couldn't be beat. Golum could really get your feet moving. Floating out there on the water the drums called out

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  • a drawn-out, tension-building scene. Let's face it, having a catchphrase, acting irrationally & that voice makes you one step above Dobby on the annoyometer. Gollum feared the drum

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  • ming of the goblins as much as the hobbitses, my precious. It was time to run and hide. If Gollum was a house elf like Dobby he could've snapped his fingers and disapparated.

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  • But Gollum wasn't in the disapparating mood. He rolled a soggy joint & groped about looking for 'his precious'. I reached in my pocket & felt the zipo I'd found in the tunnel.

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  • "What's in my pocket?" I wondered aloud. "No fair!" shrieked Gollum, "vile cheating filth!" Instantly he was choking me to death. I pulled out the Zippo & set his few hairs on fire

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  • rendering Gollum wide eyed and harmless. He was a real wacko, that one. First it was a ring, now he wanted my Zippo? I tossed it to him and headed to Mordor for a house party.

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  • And, well, that's about it. An anti-climatic end to this story, I know, but I was sick & tired of Gollum's antics. I left him crying in the gutter with nary another thought.

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