How could she accuse him of being a mindless

  • How could she accuse him of being a mindless materialist? He had an iPad. How was that mindless? Clearly he was self-aware, he had Apple products which meant that

  • everything he had started with "i". "Yeah, but you only use it for YouTube," she said. "Plus you're always watching "He-Man" or listening to "She Wolf". I don't know US anymore!"

  • "We used do be a team! No 'I' in that either!" He tried to say there was a 'me' in it in sort of a round about way. She swung his iPod and hit him in the iBall. "iieee!" he wailed.

  • Then he said, “Ok, that’s it! There may be no "i” in team, but there is one in 'kiss my ass.' It’s over!” iRate, she grabbed her iPad, iPod, iMac, iPhone, iDrops, iShadow, and

  • dumped all the iThings into her iPurse. "Damn you bastard! I loved you almost as much as my iPad!" She plugged in her headphones and started listening to Flock of Seagulls and

  • then stopped. She'd noticed something odd on her iPad. There was a small sticker she hadn't noticed when she bought it used. It'd been flagged! This iPad had been in the bathroom!

  • She was so pissed that she spent over a decade interning for a shaman, learning to raise the dead so that one day she could bring back Steve Jobs, just so she could rekill him.

  • Raising Steve from the dead took three months, and involved a ton of spinach, but the result was worth it. Looking him in his cold, dead, apple mac eyes she hissed, "

  • I dropped out of high school, because lost a whole semesters work from the school macs screen of death. Now you'll pay Steve! But Jobs computer face said "I am the screen of death"

  • I wasn't used to Macs, but the teachers just laughed at me instead of helping me. Atheists claim everyone else has religion, but they have operating systems.



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