Ordinarily, there is more to do at the mall.

Ordinarily, there is more to do at the mall. With all my friends busy, I decided to visit Victoria Secret. I am enamored by the detail in the mannequins. So sexy, but this one was

the most intriguing mannequin of all: so androgenous. I stared at it, imagining it wearing a suit and tie, then pink lingerie, then a speed-o, then a bikini. I was getting flushed.

People were looking. But I couldn't help myself. I grabbed the mannequin by its sultry hips and began dressing it. First in an Armani suit. Then an Abercrombie sun dress. "What are

the indecent exposure laws for mannequins?" I asked a mall cop as I changed it into a Victoria's Secret thong. "Don't worry about it," he said. "You're a young man in love."

I snorted. "That's easy for you to say. You didn't wake up naked in a Hot Dog On A Stick." I put the thong in my shirt pocket and scanned the area. Where was the mall directory?

She replies with "The mall directory is in C:\, and why did you take my thong?". She adjusts her glasses fixating her vision on the Corn Dog, she takes it out of the box and

microwaves it until its petrified. It makes the corn dog last longer she says. She "grade A" dork, but I love her. I think its the glasses. I say, "Your thong is jammed in

, when what I really wanted was granny patties! She let out a little shriek as I dragged her to the grinder. She seemed pretty resigned, however, and it made me suspicious

until I realized that grandma had hoof and mouth! Mad granny disease had spread across Mexico. I had to put her frothing wrinkly ass down with a shotgun and go hungry that night.