Once upon a time, many years ago, there was

Once upon a time, many years ago, there was a beautiful young woman who was very sad and lonely

and then she decided to stop being sad and start being awesome. First step was to recruit a wing woman, someone who could help her pick up guys and who liked to play laser tag.

She learned some great jokes, mastered the guitar and taught herself how to cook excellent, cheap, nutritious meals. She was almost awesome, really very cool. For the final awesome

thing that I am about to tell you about her, I will need a fishing pole, chewing gum and a shoe horn. You see, she was so nearly awesome that it takes a serious amount of

Tomfoolery to make it work. She, being so very nearly awesome, figured out that if we gum-stuck the shoehorn onto the fishingpole for bait, we'd catch some awesome piranhas

And Tom Foolery himself would cook and eat them without blinking an eye. This was unprecedented. The Earl of Sassafras was disgusted. "That looks so gross," he told me. The latest

story was hard to follow. It didn't sound like Tom Foolery's MO. Sure he was known for his shenanigans, but they were never gross. They were more good natured, or dumb, like

all of General Mayhem's petite actions but the General couldn't respond to it because then he would be betraying his name. He hadn't gone from little to General just to be the one

general without a statue of himself. So he played his hand close to his chest, and eventually he was immortalized in a statue of himself playing poker with a bunch of dogs.