On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair. I heard an explosion and saw Wurn Snell of Colitas rising up through the air.

Click. Rather than listening to another second of Hotel California I switch the radio to some banging beats. Whomp Whomp went the bass. I felt like I was back at that rave in Hull,

Nebraska. We had the best raves there. Prairie-fest. Rail Road-a-palooza. I remember the most amazing thing happening to me at one of the raves. I got so hot that I took my

clothes off and shut myself in a fridge. Ironic that I nearly died of hypothermia onthe hottest day of the year. Still, it was in that fridge that this amazing thing happened to me

I had been in the freezer about 3 hours when Nature called and me without Call Waiting. I peed on the Brussel Sprouts. Playing sink, I renamed them The Earl Of Looking Through.

There was some liquid poison found in the wrong bottle, labelled vinegar. Same colour and smell. Mrs. Finn had no reading glasses on and handed the bottle to me. I became a mouse.

"Are you a man or a mouse?" Mrs. Finn asked me, "I can't tell without my glasses on." "Eep," I replied. This attracted the attention of Mrs. Finn's cat McMurphy, who came bounding

toward me. McMurphy must’ve been nearsighted; he got within 3 feet of me and realized I was no mouse—or I was a giant one. Sliding to an abrupt halt, the cat turned tail and I gave

that tail a mighty tug, refusing to let McMurphy escape his fate. If he'd expected a mouse, I'd give him a rat! As I, indeed, am the dirtiest of rats. He had it coming, you know.