"One English muffin,coming right up!" the

"One English muffin,coming right up!" the waitress jotted it down."Now what do you want on it? Jelly,Jam, Marmalade,Honey,Sorgum,Syrup,Vegamite,Nutella,Butter,Oleo, or Margarine?"

I thought to myself, I really don't like this place. It smelled like curry and feet, and I just wanted to leave. I told the waitress, "Vegamite," and when she left, I left.

The waitress returned with the toasted muffin with Vegemite to an empty table. Enraged, she had to track the perp. Well, only Aussies can stomach Vegemite, so she called the ambass

ador-class starship Melbourne to see if they could track the wayward Aussie. Sure enough, he was in Coober Pedy, renting "The Texas Chainsaw Mascara". "Fire photon torpedoes!"

ade kissy-faces in the mirror for hours on the day he discovered his unbound love for himself. "This is more than infatuation," he cooed. "It's the real deal!" As Mad Max, Mel had

Had a chance to use his method acting training. He studied at the University of Darwin. It was world famous for its curriculum and faculty. Method acting enabled one to play two

roles at the same time, as long as both roles were that of apes. He chose the roles of J. Fred Muggs and Debbie the Space Chimp from Lost in Space as his thesis performance.

The trick was to forget he was anything other than J. Fred Muggs or Debbie and still know to come back to do the other on cue. That was why he was a master Ontological Puppeteer.

He concentrated. He forgot everyone but, who was it? Damn, he couldn't remember himself either. He spent two years in therapy. Now he's George Thermopolis a tax collector.