Usually it's in my nature to show self restraint,

Usually it's in my nature to show self restraint, but as I looked down at the mangled remains of the homeless man, I had to laugh. "I can't believe I ate the whole thing."

Somehow I still had room for a young schoolgirl, an off-duty cop and a pizza delivery guy - I had never managed more than a surly teenager before, so this new-found ability to

compact things in my woodchipper had given me confidence the world had enough space to cope with the growing population. I would regularly grab innocent people from the street and

then get slapped by these same regular people on the street for being so fresh and grabbing them when I didn't know them. This is why I decided to get to know everyone on the stree

ts one-by-one. I became quite good at it. The master of pleasant small talk and memorable introductions. Then when I grabbed them they grabbed me back. I had life figured out.

I could trade insults with the best of them, smiling all the while, without batting a lash. "Oh and may I get you a drink?" I asked while flicking my middle finger subliminally at

Colin Will, the town's playboy. He didn't notice, was too consumed by his own hubris. Dealing with customers like these was the easiest because you hardly had to try toinsult them.

People like Colin Will pretty much insult themselves, just by existing with their heads where their suppositories ought to go. Colin sauntered saucily up to the counter and winked.

rush him to the ER to get his eye twitch fixed. Sigh. His winking always ended in sorrow. From that point forward, he wore his sunglasses at night, so he can, so he caaannnnnn...