One day I got bored and decided to make a

One day I got bored and decided to make a golem. Finding the clay was easy enough, and I had the free time, so, before I knew it, I was standing before a 6' clay simulacrum of

Gumby. I took a pair of tweezers and inserted the secret name of god into his head. "I'm Gumby Dammit!" it piped up and hopped off the table. My golem needed some work.

What was the answer? It occurred to me during a sex fantasy: soil proportions! I set up a clandestine lab in the horticulture dept., mixing exotic soils together, toiling, afraid,

afraid of discovery. I could only work as I was when first inspired, hand-cuffed up. I typed in the results of my soil proportion experiments using the only tool available. The lab

coat was a hand-me-down from Dr. Frankenstein. It was supposed to inspire me to work on my soil proportion experiments. Every time I wore the coat, I would get this strange feeling

That Dr. Seward would have like to have it while writing his version of Dracula. It got rave reviews from the critics, who gathered at Chez Simo before writing their posts.

Louisa Chambers, of The Strand, found the play overly morose and thought they made a poor use of the theatre's new gaslights. That was her way of saying, "Skip it." Meanwhile, over

those waterfront ruffians were not going to sit still for it. In fact, they decided to gyrate all night under McDoogan's window, just to annoy him. "Turn that noise down!" Morty

hollered. "NO!" "Imma gone call the PO-leese!" "Do it. We'll tell on you." (silence for a few minutes) "Come gyrate with us, dude!" Morty thought about it. "OH, AL-right!!" TLHEA.