'Congratulations! You are the winner of a

'Congratulations! You are the winner of a 7 night 5 star trip to the Bahamas!' said the pop-up on my screen. I thought I had installed that damn pop-up-blocker! I clicked on it and

instantly regretted doing so; I'd've much preferred the Maldives or Ibeza. But here I was, with my feet buried in white sand and miles of untouched beaches ahead. I called for a

sex I always smoke a black n mild. When I told the Sand Castle Artist that he

had better give me his lunch money or I would stomp his "masterpieces", he laughed and said go ahead. So I did. But it was a trap! Underneath the unassuming spires of granule were

a stainless-steel bear trap. He smiled, "That will teach you for kicking sand and my face." He took his bikini-clad girlfried and waved good-bye. The tide rushed between my feet.

"Ackbar was right," I thought. "How am I supposed to attend tonight's execution with my foot in a bear trap? Well, I guess I'm gettin' a hickey from a doohickey." I chuckled, but

this was serious business. I really wanted to see my frienemy get decapitated at the guillotine and I wasn't getting there with my foot stuck in the bear trap. I had a pocket knife

in my back, but that wasn't going to help me get this darn bear trap off my foot. So, what i decided to do was to get out my welding torch. it was quite painful but i was able to

aim the sharp flame at my ankle and cut through my own flesh before I passed out. Thank god I snorted all of that cocaine - I don't think I could have survived without it.