There it was again! A shadow, flitting in

There it was again! A shadow, flitting in and out of view, as it headed towards Pamela with a slight whooshing sound. "Pamela! Look out!" I yelled, waving my arms to try and get

her to look at me. Pamela didn't notice until the shadow was staring at her in the face; at which point she let out a blood curling scream that made everyone jump. It was then that

I knew the "hey, lets put ketchup all over the place so it looks like blood" prank was working, that is until Pamela fell to the ground. Crap, another one? I called 911, and the

paramedics thought it was a prank, but Pamela really was bleeding. It was up to me now. I quickly put Rambo 3 in the VCR and fast forwarded to learn how to use gun powder to heal a

wound via cauterization. ''Oh hell no," cried Pamela incredulously. "Don't even think of going all Rambo on me. Don't you know the basics of first aid?" I dropped the old VCR tape

on her wound and she screamed, the paramedics then arrived and took me into custody for murder... I cried.

That was 14 months ago. Today is my day of reckoning. I'd requested two corn dogs just like at the Iowa State Fair as my last meal. But they brought no mustard with the corn dogs

, so I killed them. No mustard. No mercy. What did I have to lose anyway? The cell door was now open so I switched clothes with the dead guard & escaped to Iowa. I needed corn dogs

Iowans are far too laid back to guard airports. They're too busy gazing at the stars in the big Iowan skies and pondering deep Iowan thoughts.