The room was dark, dank and eerie. A single

The room was dark, dank and eerie. A single lightbulb was hanging from the ceiling, it flickered. There were no doors, only the gray walls that were slowly closing in on me.

They were closing in on me because I was getting fatter. The eating experiment tested the effects of dim lighting and the color gray on hunger. A bowl of minestrone was craned in.

It wasn't so much that I wanted to eat it, it was just that I understood my purpose was to eat the soup. I called for a loaf of garlic bread & a bib. A half hour later they brought

the bill. I paid up & got up to leave. The soup rushed into my legs causing me to lurch against the other diners who stabbed me with forks. Soup spurted from the fork holes in my s

lacks and pooled around my feet. "I hope that's pea soup," said one of the diners who had yet to prod me with his pointy utensil. "That's knife of you to say, but I must admit

I'll be seeing you real, real soon." He stabbed me in the heart with the damn fork, causing me to sob like I was

a man with a fork in his chest who didn't truly "get" how similes worked. In a feat of godly strength, he lifted me up & swallowed me whole. Strangely, I didn't die. I lived on in

...well...maybe the STDs...but other than that...nothing...and I mean NOTHING comforts me more than shrimp and grits on Pizza. That's why it was worth staying alive! I need pizza

I grabbed a phone and called the nearest pizza place and asked for 20 quadrillion pizzas.