I burst through my own chest finally, but

I burst through my own chest finally, but not before I fell onto the table, scattering my friends' cell phones and entrees. I emerged refreshed, like a gelatinous, elegant phantasm

. Pure ego, unfettered by a mortal coil, unharnessed from the drudgery of a body. I left my friends to their unlimited breadsticks and salad, ready to saturate the world with ME.

My ineffable essence floated along happily infusing passers by with me-ness. Uh oh! Just spotted a Grand Vizier with a jewelled bottle & a crafty expression. Shazaam! I'm trapped

by a rusty bear trap that just crushed my femur into agonizing shards. Damn that Mad Trapper! Where is that stupid genie, I don't want to waste my last wish but I need to

Be vigilant with the radio and the channels I listen to. The BBC has several programmes that I love. Its the Queens English that I like to hear. Her Majesty loves to read and tell

laconic tales of restless skanks who slink around like skunks or skinks. We've seen before how her libido is constantly affecting official government policy. Her parade of Royal Be

-dwetters went down in history as the first annual parade that was cancelled before it began. The royals took their soiled mattresses and left in a huff, vowing to tax her for

Every future breath she took. Seminal fluid on the mattresses began to fuse with the royal Crust and grow a hideously posh, deformed mattress creature. Philip tried to date it.

The disgusting mattress creature whose origin shall go unnamed was a terrible conversationalist, speaking only in odiferous snarls which turned Philip's optimism off completely.