Woops. Here we are with two blank lines staring

Woops. Here we are with two blank lines staring at me and I have no ideas! Hmm. Let's do a story about a twopence. We can begin with that lady who sells birdseed for twopence a bag

and end with a brutal murder scene at the conclusion of a gripping tale of horror and the dark side of human nature. But that's a long way off yet, so we'll start with the birdseed

murders. The bird seed murders began when bodies drifting through the Thames were discovered to have large amounts of bird seed stuffed in the victim's ears. London police were

completely baffled. There were no leads, nothing connecting the victims except for the bird seed in their ears. Deaths only increased over time. The public nicknamed the killer

"Bad Seed" & went to bed at every night, scared as hell. The next victim was ol' Mrs. Farkus, an elderly widower who lived on Elm Street. Bad Seed got her, alright, & left a note:

"THE NeXT tiME We MEeT YOu'LL B DiscRET" Forensics puzzled over the note, the letters exclusively cut from Redbook and Ranger Rick. A clue!

The newspapers were all yellowed and dated from my mum 's childhood. There were stories about food rationing, fuel rationing and more. The Kaiser was still alive. I was stunned.

Then I was kidnapped, misplaced, revived, then roofied but only for a cat commercial, luckily, then I was stunned again, kidnapped again because they remembered where they left me.

In the end the cat commercial was a great success and only featured mild arm nudity. And missing only one kidney I wandered aimlessly until I found my way home.