With friends like these, you have to wonder

With friends like these, you have to wonder where it all went wrong. Jonas was always popular in his heyday, but he never imagined that

he would find himself tied to a chair, blindfolded, and pantless. He wondered who his captor could be, and why he removed his pants. Scratch that, he didn't want all the answers.

"Well", he thought, "Thank heavens 'Casino Royale' is my favorite move. Otherwise the irony would have been lost on me."

It was often difficult to find a sex worker willing to give him a Casino Royale, so his superb luck in discovering that his blind date had an insatiable lust for the practice was

immensely gratifying. Too often he'd had to settle for a passionless Goldfinger or in one horrifying instance a Thunderball - which required a specialist surgeon to slice off and

he had done his job to put the muffled-mouthed womanizing cretin in his place. He juggled his yarn breasts in his hands as he walked down the highway, disturbing motorists and

arousing the attention of an off-duty police officer heading home. The officer rolled down his window and said "Excuse me sir, but do you realize

pressure of a cop these days? it just makes you want to cry." I tried to roll up the window but he was hugging me inconsolably with heaving sobs. "Um... there, there?" Traffic was

breaking up. I rolled up the window a bit more to get him off me. As the taxi picked up speed, he was dragged alongside like a limp puppet, crushed in the window, still hugging me.