I always wanted to be a spy. I got one chance.

I always wanted to be a spy. I got one chance. This is a story of my first mission...

it began as you would expect. I listened to a tape that self destructed. I struggled to understand the instructions. I wandered into

the closet and got the gun that was hidden there. Then I packed an overnight bag as quickly as I could. My secret mission, should I choose to accept it,

was to rock down to Electric Avenue. There it would be my duty to "Take it higher." Unfortunately all I had for bus fare was 45 cents and a pack of zig zags. I needed a plan

to survive. I decided to ask for money from pedestrians. However, right when I started to walk over to a particularly rich-looking lady, I tripped because my shoelaces were untied.

I lunged forward, scratching the air for anything that would save my face from concrete burn. Her dress was in reach and resisted for half second before scraping over her hips and

You thought I wouldn't see you climbing my trellis!" Juliet screeched. I writhed in pain on the ground. "Romeo, you can be so thick-headed at times. No wonder you're a Montague."

"Jules, baby, you're breakin' my heart" I replied, intending to sound sarcastic and cool but actually coming across pretty whiney and pathetic. "How 'bout we sort this drama out by

taking it to the ring. I slapped her with my dueling glove to get the point across. Sadly, she was a woman and responded directly to my genitals. With her foot. And steel toe boot.