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The jolly codger walked down the cobblestones

  • The jolly codger walked down the cobblestones with a crowd of orphans surrounding him. "Now, whose wants to try for this shilling?" He held the coin high above his head. The urchin

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  • was willing to fly in the hot air balloon. "Pick me," he pleaded. Minutes later he ascended high above the rip rap of the street where he was a begger, thief and never noticed.

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  • No one noticed. Old. Single. Homeless. Everyday was the same. Bill Murray walked by, totally self-obsessed then I would die. The worst was when he tried to resuscitate me, his

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  • lips pressing upon my own, and I was unable to come to terms with my own sexual insecurity, even in my old age. One thing that made me sexually insecure was Bill Murray. Really,

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  • Bill Murray's lounge singer schtick was so overpoweringly erotic, that it made everything else pale in comparison. When I am as old as Bill, I will

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  • open my own lounge and sing the theme to "Star Wars" every night. But listening to Murray now made me realize that there were things to do. I picked up the phone and called Sarah.

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  • She was silent throughout my three hour tirade in which I detailed every, even the most trivial discomfort she had caused me. When I was through, she calmly responded, "My name is

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  • writ with water in your case, sunshine. I'm off to the healing sulphur baths of Eger where the baroque architecture will uplift & soothe my soul. Adios." "Good riddance," I spat

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  • , sick & tired of the whole stupid situation. What ever happened to people who could buck up, take it on the chin, grin and bear it? Healing sulphur baths, my ass! I miss the days

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  • before them metrosexual spas & the Green Party. I spat my tobaccy juice out the window of my big ol' redneck truck & sped off into the sunset singin' Sweet Home Alabama. Shee-eeet!

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