So the Iranian president waited until the

So the Iranian president waited until the US warship was no longer in sight. Then he updated his Facebook status to say

"...1 billion dollars." NSA had been monitoring his Ahmadinejad's Facebook for years and the red phone rang. "Steve? It's Zuck. I think it's time to buy Iran." They're distracting

us from the Inner Conspiracy with a tangled nexus of cosmetic pseudo-ploys. Zuck thought for a second. "Wait...you're dead, Jobs." A moment of dramatic silence. "Only in body and

soul," Jobs said with an irksome grin. He then pilfered Zuck's pockets for loose change and said, "Oh, my! I do believe these were mine originally!" He zipped off and slipped on a

suit he'd designed, festooned with 319 iPhones. The few moments that Jobs had worn the suit were precious to him. He felt an infinite safety. Zuck's long demise solidified the

quickly got media attention. As she snoozed on the beach, Blue Ivy buried her neck-deep in the sand. Beyonce's big belly bounced suddenly. Was an alien trying to break free, or

just working out? And what was the secret of dat ass? Vivica Fox hung up the phone. SETI was onto them and it was only a matter of time before they'd have to run again. Beyonce

had already proved that aliens could integrate themselves seamlessly - more or less - into human society, but there were bigger things at play now. Vivica grabbed her

lapels, straightened her jacket, & strode to Donald Trump's office. "We did it, boss." she said with a smile. "& the earthlings are none the wiser." "Well done, Vivica. Well done."