Wally turned red in horror. How could he
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Wally turned red in horror. How could he have said THAT? It's not a common mistake, not even close. The moment the word left is mouth he knew. What he meant to say was "poutine"
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"Pootang! Pootang! Pootang!" Why did he scream it in the open theatre like that?! And three times at that?! Not as bad as yelling "fire," but darn his speech impediment!
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The show was completely interrupted and everyone in the theatre looked at him. My friend next to me said, "Well this is probably more awkward then the Lincoln assignation."
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[Footnote 1: Lincoln assigned an essay the day before his assassination]. The other audience members consulted their programs for tomato etiquette. Tossing at fellow theatre goers
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was strictly forbidden and was punishable by hanging. [Footnote 2: There have been 62 "Rotten Tomato Friendly-Fire" hangings since record-keeping began in 1816.]
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Bad pun vaudiville routines were capital offenses. [Editor's note - My wife left while I was proof-reading these gallies. She was seeing the author. I hate him.]
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But Bad pun vaudville routines were all the crowd had.
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Still, the crowd stood there staring at me, mouths agape with anticipation & I continued my story. They were hungry for my puns, so I fed them some one liners. Soon everyone was
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trembling in silence. They fell down moving around on the ground like little worms. Something was growing on their backs. After a few minutes they all flew with feather like wings.
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The mothmen had arrived. Dirty, greasy, hairy wings flapped in the halfmoon-lit dark air. By the droves they soared to ulterior purpose, until they were but blinks in the sky.
8
- Started
- 2012-08-29 14:58:35
- Finished
- 2013-07-22 13:45:32
10 Comments
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Zetawilk Jul 22 2013 @ 13:47
And now we know how the mothmen are born. Fun fact: Did you know mothmen are a breed of faekin? The fairies don't like to talk about it, because they don't like to talk about anything. Just tell lame jokes to one another.
MangoMania Jul 29 2013 @ 10:15
assassination was too many characters and I can't spell hahaha
Zetawilk Jul 29 2013 @ 13:44
I frequently discover my person veritably dashed up against the metaphorical parapets as it were in the pursuit of diminishing loquacious vernacular for the mandatory benefit of accommodating the dimensional requirements of our typography.
buddyboy4711 Jul 29 2013 @ 17:39
Usually I go with what the folder intended, but I thought there was maybe a chance it was misspelled for a reason. It was just weird and non-typo-seeming is all, haha. "Assignation" sounds like the kind of word I make up when I talk. I'm super promiscuous with my suffixes.
Zetawilk Jul 29 2013 @ 18:21
Sometimes we tend to be metaphysical about literary nuances such as that. :3 ...Is "metaphysical" the right word? That sounds more like physics. I want to say "metaliteral" but that sounds as made-up as anything else I make up. Oh, I'm sure there's some esoteric pop kitsch that pertains to it, but I've been out of touch with the masturbatory 80s intellectualism circuit. Which is not to say I'm calling it a bad thing! Just retro. Now look, I've gone and digressed.
buddyboy4711 Jul 29 2013 @ 18:56
No worries. I'm all for a good tangent, so long as we don't lose sight of the real issue here: an assassination would be really awkward. I've found exactly nothing in the way of protocol for this social bugaboo. I worry that if I were to witness an assassination, I'd whistle nervously or something suspicious. PLUS you can't leave the theatre because that's even more suspicious. You just have to sit there with a dead guy, rereading your blood-spattered program until the super-thorough investigation is over and your getaway car probably has a parking ticket on it. Looks like you should've put more coins with the face of the guy who just got assassinated on them into the meter. Now everyone wants to hear your "assassination story" at every house party, and their conspiracy theories will all be you-centric. Were we talking about something?
Zetawilk Jul 29 2013 @ 19:14
Now, see, this is where I've had it with bureaucracy. Meter maids should not operate outside of properties, their adjacent properties, and up to a hundred yard radius of said properties where an assassination has taken place. Nobody wants to merit latent functions, but extortion is a factor in driving people from premises, even if an important police investigation is going on. Or are we simply expecting the detectives to hand out parking validation slips to everyone present? Better to validate on their end by having the meter maid exonerate any tickets erroneously given to those parked outside of an assassination attempt. I realize that some of you may have a rebuttal along the following lines: That an assassin is just the sort of low-key, covert criminal who, for the sake of maintaining a false identity, might be persuaded to pay a parking ticket. This is not so. Assassins and others trained in such pastimes of espionage have the likely resources at their disposal simply to ignore a parking ticket and "vanish" without a trace. Those clever bastards.
buddyboy4711 Jul 29 2013 @ 19:27
My money's on the meter maid being the assassin so they can hand out more tickets and clog up traffic court for some no-doubt devious reason. This looks like a job for the meter maid murderer (http://foldingstory.com/n62lj/86xh6w/). One possible devious reason: I hear the meter maids are a gang funded by parking tickets and drugs, ILLEGAL drugs. They would revenge-murder the meter maid murderer for sure. Aw man, now THAT would be awkward. May I be sucked through a hole in the ground at the point, my gods.
buddyboy4711 Jul 29 2013 @ 19:28
*that point, not that it matters
Zetawilk Jul 29 2013 @ 20:29
Dream job: Traffic cop. You don't even leave the station anymore. You just sit back and wait for all the paychecks to come in from people running the red light cameras. Other than that, you just plant illegal drugs in teenagers' cars like in that one Chucky movie.