He looked to his left. She was there, standing

He looked to his left. She was there, standing on the edge of the cliff. Her body limped, her face ashen. He followed the wrong path, and now, it's too late. She took a step

to the right. Clearly she was already in the middle of doing the Time Warp, and I was too late. Even if I could grab my neon sunglasses out of my pocket, my rhythm would be off.

Someone threw a slice of toast in my hair. It was mayhem.I had to get outta this Rocky Horror Nightmare. I got up to leave, but a tall, rather good-looking transvestite blocked my

escape route. He flashed a brilliant smile, fixed me with a lascivious stare, & pushed me through the crowd of geriatric Rocky Horror Fans. "It's time to meet my creation, Sweethea

rt,” he said as he removed the tarp in the bed of his pickup to reveal his creation. The creature lying there was human from its feet up to its neck—but its head was that of a

head of asparagus. "Tada!" yelled Dr. Evil Scientist Man. "Now, the asparagus stalks at midnight!" He cackled maniacally as his asparagus-headed fiend rose to life, groaning over

how badly it needed to pee. This was unexpected. Dr. Evil Scientist Man hadn't made provisions for such an understandable event in his laboratory. The aparagus-headed fiend's agony

grew in intensity as Dr. Evil tried to figure out which of the public bathrooms down the hall was appropriate for an asparagus-headed monster. Finally, he tossed it into the Men's

mayonnaise. Lots of mayonnaise. Forget flim flammery and wads of cash. Give the Asparagus Head some mayonnaise, and everything would be right as rain. At least, for now.