The old man in the bush hollered, "Don't

The old man in the bush hollered, "Don't forget the duct tape!" God, I...I mean I really, he's so disgusting, he's unshaven, lice and filth all over him, God I love him. This was

the fourth time my grandfather had sent me out for repair supplies, but I didn't care. He was family, and I loved him, no matter how dirty and lice-covered he was.

The clerk just laughed when I came back in the store. "Told yo!" he gloated. "Yeah, well, I thought it was three-fourths but it was really six-eights." Wait a minute. That's when I

gor poked his head out from behind the deli counter, eyes & lip protruding. I forgot all about the insolent clerk. IGOR! My long lost friend! "We got ham on sale this week,"

Just then a passing hijacked airliner slammed into the deli killing IGOR and sending me flying out the window like a scene from terminator. I immediately wondered what kind of

world I was living. Airliners crashing daily, nations thoughtlessly destroyed, endless pollution and reproduction, tiny homunculi raising critical drug prices 10,000%. What could

Go wrong next? J.G. Ballard and I had coffee together daily and discussed plots for our next collaborations. There was no better collaborator than Ballard! We used napkins to write

sitcom for the Infernal Cable Network. For some reason all my backers seem to think that demons like large breasts and they insist that I fill my crew with only large breasted

birds, like the Fake Breasted Pecker, the Hairy Breasted Swallow and Black Breasted Tit...it worked like a charm, the show was a success. Aviary Magazine gave it two thumbs way up!